As the country’s famously industrious civil service races against itself for new heights of innovation, the latest achievement is a remarkable feat of recursion. This week, Whitehall officially announced the creation of the Department of Departments, or DoD, intended to oversee coordination between the ever-multiplying array of government agencies charged with overseeing one another.
Layers Upon Layers
Skeptics waking to the news were quick to wonder whether anyone had finally confused their April Fools’ calendar. Yet, according to internal memos fumbled out on Friday, the Department of Departments will be responsible for ‘auditing, harmonising, and administrating interdepartmental administrational administration’—a phrase which, experts note, is believed to have generated seventeen new job advertisements on its own.
Whitehall’s answer to confusion: add a layer and call it progress.
Sources confirm the DoD’s initial tasks include drawing up a list of departments, investigating the accuracy of existing department lists, and forming a subcommittee to define exactly what a department is. The new Secretary, reportedly selected after a rigorous nineteen-step vetting process, is expected to commission a task force to track missing filing cabinets lost during previous rearrangements.
Accountability in Abundance
Supporters claim the DoD will streamline British governance, currently running at an estimated ratio of 1,200 administrators per working stapler. Critics—outnumbered, but undeterred—point to the record number of procedural flowcharts set on fire annually.
One hand audits the other, while a third drafts the report.
ConfidentialAccess.by understands that a pilot scheme trialled last year inadvertently resulted in a duplication of departments devoted to tackling duplication. Officials declined to comment on the ongoing merger, now being managed by the newly founded Department of Amalgamations, which answers directly to the DoD. Insiders note that resource allocation for paperclips is fast becoming a full-time occupation at the newly minted Ministry of Small Metallic Objects.
The Private Sector Watches On
Across the city, private sector observers watched with muted disbelief as government oversight approached Möbius strip levels of self-reference. One group of management consultants was reportedly so inspired by the DoD’s example they’ve added ‘consulting on internal consulting structure’ to their list of billable services. ConfidentialAccess.com research reveals that some start-ups are now rushing to register domain names with doubled acronyms in anticipation of a golden era for meta-governance.
As the recession bites and inflation meanders with its own bureaucratic leisure, public trust wobbles like a file in a roomful of electric fans. But if nothing else, this latest step ensures that Britain remains, as ever, world-class at keeping itself extremely busy. For the latest updates on this recursive revolution, consult ConfidentialAccess.by—before the Department of Communications finds out.
